Cultural Confusion
by FunnyCatGirl
Summary: The Seventh Years are going on an end of the year trip. Many things go horribly wrong, and hilarious misadventures will ensue. OOTP spoilers, please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey, I know some of you who have been reading my other fics want me to continue working on SoaW, but I'm ready to post the 8th chap, and I got a good idea, so I had to start this one. PotRS has pretty much been discontinued, if anyone reads it and tells me to continue it, I'll leave it up. Otherwise, I'm taking it off the site at the end of Feb. I got good reviews on CSomTSUL, so I'll leave that one up and work on it on a rainy day, but not anytime real soon. I think I'm going to try to focus on SoaW and this one if anyone likes it.

Disclaimer: (I really hate these things) I don't own HP. I don't own NY. I DO own Suszie, though. She's my character (even though she doesn't show up for a few chapters).

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**Cultural Confusion**

Chapter One: Introduction

"What? You have got to be kidding me! This is awesome!" Harry was in the hospital wing and Hermione and Ron were standing around him telling him about Dumbledore's decision to have an end-of-the-year trip for the seventh years.

"Yeah, he's going to post the list of groups and destinations on Friday."

Hermione was really excited, and she couldn't wait for those three days to go by.

"I wonder if we're going to France, or Belgium, or, oooh! Maybe we're going to Australia!"

"Calm down there, girl! We'll find out in three days!" Her excitement was infectious and soon all three of them were thinking about which country they'd like to visit most.

"I just hope we're all together." Ron mused after a short while.

"Of course we will be, silly!" Hermione playfully slapped him. "Dumbledore is of course going to keep us together. Our group may have a few extra chaperones, but we'll be together."

Both boys laughed at this, and Ron stopped worrying.

"Well, bye Harry, we'll see you again after afternoon classes. Don't forget to work on the essay for potions."

"Hermione, I don't wanna do that now," Harry started whining in high-pitched voice. "Can't I do it tonight?"

"It has to be done by tomorrow so that I can turn it in for you. See you later!"

With that, Ron and Hermione left the Hospital Wing and rushed to their classes.

Harry was left alone in the Infirmary with his thoughts. Picking up the assignment for Transfiguration, he glared at the Potions assignment and barred his teeth at it for spite. He started reading it, but then his eyes glazed over slightly and he started to nod off.

He dreamed about chocolate bunnies hopping up to him and handing him baskets full of jelly beans and colored eggs, until he had too many to carry. "Stop!" he cried out in his sleep. "No more!"

Someone sniggered elsewhere in the room, but Harry was fast asleep.

"I hope he finishes that assignment. Snape has just been looking for a reason to get him in trouble." Hermione was saying to Ron on the way to Herbology. Ron was preoccupied, on the other hand, with looking for the Slytherins. Seventh year Herbology in the afternoon was a small class (most people had been smart and taken it in the morning), so it was composed of students from all four houses, including Malfoy and his crew. As of lately, Malfoy had taken to pulling pranks on the trio whenever he could. Since Harry was in a carefully guarded Hospital Wing, he took his vengeance out on Ron and Hermione. Ron had gotten the full blast of a repetitively cursing jinx, in which he started jinxing those around him uncontrollably. It had taken seven Gryfindors, four Hufflepuffs, and a Ravenclaw to pin him down. Ron was still skittish and afraid of being suffocated.

"Oh, come off it, Ron. It couldn't have been that bad."

"You'd be afraid, too if you'd had twenty people all jump on top of you at once."

"It wasn't twenty, Ron. There were only twelve."

"Only twelve? ONLY TWELVE! YOU TRY HAVING TWELVE BLOODY PEOPLE JUMP ON TOP OF YOU, AND THEN TELL ME IT WASN"T THAT BAD!"

Hermione cowered visibly beneath this onslaught, and seeing this, Ron seemed to calm down. He stopped, counted to twenty, and started to talk more quietly.

"Okay, I'm sorry Hermione. Okay? I'm sorry."

She was still cowering a little; after all, if there was one thing she learned being around harry and Ron, it was never to anger either of them. He hugged her and suggested that they continue on to class. Neither of them saw Malfoy mutter something from behind them and dash away around a corner.

They arrived in Greenhouse four, got their instructions from Professor Sprout, and move to the far side. Unfortunately, Malfoy and his cronies moved right near them and started sniggering.

"Hey, Mudblood! I see you and the Weasel were really getting it on together."

"What do you mean, Malfoy?" Hermione spat.

"I mean those hickeys all over your neck. Don't try to hide it, I saw you and the Weasel come in to class almost late, and there you are with hickeys on you neck. He must have gotten really good to do that many just on the way here." All of the Slytherins started laughing out loud as Hermione's eyes widened in horror.

"I… do not have… hickeys… on my neck." She stammered. Hannah, who was sitting next to her, quietly handed her a pocket mirror and some cream concealer. Hermione grabbed the mirror and looked in horror at the red marks all over her neck.

With Ron seeming fit to burst, and the Slytherins laughing like there was no tomorrow, Professor Sprout came over to see what was going on. Lucky she did, because Ron had his wand out and was half-ready to strike.

Professor Sprout took in the situation and sent the Slytherins back to another corner before turning to the others at that table. "Ms. Granger, would you like to go to the bathroom and clean yourself up?" This sent the Slytherins into another fit of laughter and Professor Sprout turned and gave them a stern look before turning back to Hermione. Hermione looked humiliated and ready to cry, before she jumped up and ran out of the room, sobbing. Ron jumped up after her, as did Hannah.

A few others went to, but Professor Sprout stopped them and they resigned to giving the Slytherins deadly glares and muttering under their breath. Malfoy was a little worried that his prank might have worked too well. He swore to keep his cronies with him at all times- that prank had really angered the other three houses, and he really didn't want to be alone with the three other houses ganging up to kill him.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: its been a while since I updated, I know, but oh well. I was kind of disappointed, though. I only had two reviews on the last Chapter of Spirit of a Wolf. I though people liked that one. Its the longest, with nine chapters, but I still haven't gotten that many people to review my stories. I wish people would review them. Maybe people will like this story better. Okay, Self-pity time is over. I said this story would be funny, and I meant it. I know the first chapter had a tense ending, but that will be necessary for future… disagreements. Heh heh… this is going to be fun. Hold onto your seatbelts, because, if you follow this story, it will (hopefully) get good…..

Liz: you are pretty much my most faithful reviewer. May everyone take example from you, except the threats to kill me, that is.

Disclaimer: … Must I really? Fine. Idon'townHPJKRowlingdoesnotme. There. Happy? Well, I do not accept responsibility for future injuries due to laughter and the withholding of inside jokes with friends. There. I shan't mention that again. I guess I also must add a disclaimer to the authors of Marriage, Muggle Life, and Babies and The Prank War. I'm sorry if I borrowed and reshaped any ideas you used, but I like both of your stories so much, I had to use something. By the way, my pitiful story will never be as great and funny as The Prank War. You should all go read it if you haven't already.

Cultural Confusion

Chapter 2

"He WHAT!" Harry was sitting straight up in bed, face livid at hearing what Malfoy had done to his two best friends. He started to pull back the covers, but Ron pushed him back again. Hermione was sitting next to him, Ron and Hannah had followed her all the way to the Infirmary, Hannah had left after she saw that Hermione would be okay, and that Malfoy WAS just pranking her. She had seemed very relieved, understandably. Many of the kids in the other houses looked up to Hermione and all, being Head Girl, and so did not want to learn that she wasn't as perfect as they thought.

"He… placed a spell on me that made my neck look like it was covered in -hic- hickies…" she looked like she was about to cry again.

"Now, now, you two, calm down." Ron was being unusually peaceful.

"The marks have disappeared. No one else will know, and no one will believe it. Harry-"

He had turned to his other best friend, ready to push him back in bed, just to find him calmly sitting there with a big, evil grin on his face. Ron involuntarily tool a step back.

"Wha- Don't look at me like that, Harry. It's creepy. It makes you look like-"

But they would never find out what it made him look like, because, at that moment, a swarm of pixies came flooding into the room.

"Oh NO! Who let Lockhart back?" from Ron, which made Hermione giggle a little before standing up and pulling out her wand.

"Immobulus!"

The pixies froze, a dazed expression on their faces. A group of frightened-looking second years straggled into the room, followed by a hassled-looking elderly woman.

"So sorry about these, they weren't meant to get out of their cage… nice job there, Miss Granger. Quick thinking." she wheezed.

"Don't worry about it, we endured a similar episode during our own second year… Don't you dare, Ron."

He was about to cough 'Lockhart', but at Hermione's glare, decided not to. He amused himself by looking over at the second-years, who were all goggling at Harry. He could then hear whispered mutterings.

"Look, It's Harry Potter! I had heard that he went to this school, but I haven't seen him"

"I can't believe it! The boy who conquered the Dark Lord, twice!"

Harry had evidently heard these mutterings as well, because he turned a deep shade of scarlet usually reserved for a Weasley.

"Okay class", the teacher said after gathering up all of the frozen pixies, "back to the room!"

They filed out of the room, most glancing back a few times as if to make sure Harry wouldn't disappear -which he felt like doing- but soon enough they were gone. Hermione turned, took one look at Harry's face, hiding half beneath the covers, and started laughing. And couldn't stop.

A while later, after she'd calmed down, Harry was able to tell them about his idea. "One good prank deserves another." He stated simply. "Lets get him back."

Just then Hermione looked at her watch and saw that She and Ron were going to be late for potions if they didn't hurry up, and almost dragged him out of the room.

"Wait!" She stopped. "Could you take him my essay, please?"

"Sure." She grabbed the parchment, picked up her bag, and sped down the hall, half dragging Ron with her. Harry leaned back and picked up two pieces of parchment; he had letters to write.

A few days passed, and it was soon Saturday -the day they'd learn which group they were in and where they were going. Hermione rushed down to the Great Hall to read the bulletins posted on the board, but wasn't early enough. There was a large crowd gathered there when she arrived, and only by carefully weaving her way through the throng was she able to get close. Knowing that there were many people waiting to get to the board, she spent only a short time looking at the lists. Just enough time to find her, Harry's and Ron's names on the list, the same list, under the heading, New York City, New York, USA.

She was overjoyed, as were Harry and Ron once she had told them. They hadn't even bothered trying to read the board, knowing Hermione would, and instead had started eating. Through mouthfuls of eggs and bacon, Harry and Ron exclaimed how pleased they were to be going to the US, New York most of all. New York was so exciting, with many different opportunities available to them. They had the rest of the day to go to Hogsmead and pack; they would be leaving early the next morning.

(A/N: I thought about stopping here, it's a good place to stop, but that would make for a short chapter so I'm going to try to add more.)

Hermione was panicking. All of the seventh-years were expected to meet in the Great Hall in exactly eight minutes, with all their stuff. The problem was, Crookshanks had gone missing again. As soon as he had seen the cat-carrier, he had disappeared with a fluff of an orange bristled tail. Hermione was now searching all of the near-empty dorms, trying to find him. The rest of her stuff was already down in the Great Hall, but she could not find Crookshanks. It was now three minutes until she had to be down there, and twelve minutes after when she should have been down there. She was Head Girl, and not setting a very good example.

She finally spied the tell-tale orange bottlebrush, and quickly grabbed and yanked. She had run downstairs, almost to the Great Hall, when she looked down at the hissing and spitting cat in her arms and realized it wasn't her cat. It was a sleek Persian, although at the moment, it's fur was all messed up. She loosened her grip in surprise, and the cat took the opportunity to leap out of her arms and race away.

She fell to the floor, sobbing in frustration and panic, when she noticed that a cat had come up to her and was just sitting meekly at her feet, a blank expression on it's face. She didn't stop to think about it, just scooped up the cat and ran to the Great Hall.

She came skidding in at the last second, just as a group of people were reaching over to take hold of an old coffee mug. To the people standing there, she must have been a sight, hair fluffed up and bushier than normal, tears still flowing down her cheeks, a slightly crazed look in her eyes, and a puffed up and really angry cat in her arms, hissing and spitting while trying to claw away.

Everyone was stunned into silence as she hurried over to put Crookshanks in his carrier and then went, in a slightly calmer manner, to join Harry and Ron where they were standing over to the side.

"What happened to you?" Ron whispered.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

A/N: there, I hope that last part was somewhat funny, it made this chapter long enough and now they are ready to go. When you review, please. If you have any ideas on funny things that could happen to them, please tell me. I have ideas, but the don't really come in until later. I'll dedicate the next chapter to whoever comes up with the best idea! Please, people, read my fic!


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